Cold hands, warm shart.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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