Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
