"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
