glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
