You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
