Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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