6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
