I need help removing her.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you traded sex for a burrito?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
