Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
