walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Are my feet made of real feet?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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