My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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