dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's the barista slut.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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