my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When did angry sex become our thing?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
