how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
