Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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