why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
