considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
