Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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