my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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