porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
