Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
