Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
