I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
