And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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