I got chris browned last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
