Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
