I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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