Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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