Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
