yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
