Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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