Say something about gay babies.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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