Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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