I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
