She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
