I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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