Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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