I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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