Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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