We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
