ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
