last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
