Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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