I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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