Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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