You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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