I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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