Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
