Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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