The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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