I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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