i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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