I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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