ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
